Empty but Full

Almost 2 months.



Haven’t written a word that meant anything substantial.

Because I couldn’t.

In these two months, I got the opportunity of a lifetime at a company who’s name you would all know if I told you…which I won’t because their confidentiality rules are strict and I’m not willing to risk it.

This opportunity meant letting my house go into foreclosure, moving my family to the North Bay, leaving my job of 5 years and the women there, who I love as though they were family, moving away from my husband’s family, my garden, finding a place to live that allows chickens, cats and kids, and changing…well, everything.

This has been financially challenging, emotionally challenging and just really fucking hard.

I think we did the right thing.

My husband is amazing and supportive. My kids will be happy and in better schools.

I am incredibly blessed to have the chance to work for this amazing company and be mentored by a woman who is wickedly smart and talented.


But most days I still feel like throwing up in the morning from the nerves of going to a place where I have no friends and no confidants. I long for the day when an evening at home doesn’t involve opening a box and piling half of it’s contents to the side for our inevitable garage sale. I miss my friends (I have amazing friends). Some days I wonder what the hell I’m doing. I have a family and if I fuck this up, I’ve dragged them all along with me.

But I won’t fuck this up. I am not a fuck-up. And I don’t even know where these doubting voices are coming from…

Geez…get your shit together, Roy.


Empty but full. The end and the beginning. We are doing it.


About dirtdonthurtmom

Beauty and Simplicity inspire me. Lack of clarity annoys me. Selfish people really piss me off. I have a filter, but ignore it, mostly.
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5 Responses to Empty but Full

  1. Rachel says:

    You are a brave, intelligent, loving mother, woman and friend. You will be a success because you know no other way. You are following your heart and your family is better for it. All of your friends will be here…whenever you need us…just call, text, facebook…we are here for you, because we love you.

  2. Karlie O says:

    I am SO proud of you and your family for taking this risk, changing EVERYTHING for a better life! True heros! I am very much looking forward to our brunch date in your new hood! xoxox

  3. Dre says:

    WOW, Roya! Sounds like a whole lot of change is a short amount of time. But it also sounds like an amazing opportunity, and I wish you the best of luck!!

  4. Bill says:

    When opportunity knocks Roya — you’d better open that damn door. Years from now — you will thank your lucky stars that you did. Change isn’t easy. But it’s almost always good for you.

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