I could not do anything right today. Everything I touched turned to shit, with a small issue here, a big explosion there. Coming off of a fantastic Sunday with family and friends, I thought that I would go roaring into the week. Quite the opposite. I squealed, groaned and crashed into a wall that I built myself.
Was it really that bad? No, not when I look objectively at the day. But I egged myself on, talking incessantly about how shitty everything was, until the shit was all I could see. This does no one any favors.
Usually, I’m the optimist. I look for the good, the bright, the shiny.
I should have gone to the gym. I should have put on some rockin’ music to get me through a shitty day. I should have been inspired by all my friends that ran the CIM this weekend. Those are all the things that I would usually do. But being in flux causes me to lose my footing. My confidence in my choices, my passions, my ability to do what is right-all these things are shaken when I don’t have a clear sense of where I’m going.
I focused on the cupcake fail from my weekend (more on this later. A baker, I am not), the weight I’ve gained and my lack of motivation to do the work it takes to lose it, the fact that my work speakers have so much static it is practically impossible to hear Pandora. I couldn’t find the good in anything.
To be honest, I think I’m worn down from all the shiny happiness of the season so far. November brought my 30th birthday, my son’s 3rd birthday, and Thanksgiving all in a 10 day span of time. I even have one more celebration planned this weekend, AND my company holiday party (which is a massive, fancy, fun night) so I am running extremely low on energy.
I walked in the door, and the babes were being tremendously silly. They both hovered near while I ate a dinner completely prepared by my husband (Lucky me), they told me jokes and CRACKED themselves up (smile), they put on their jammies with just a bit of supervision (it is always a fashion show at jammie time), and cuddled and kissed me until it felt a little uncomfortable (4 year old girls are VERY into kissing). The Christmas tree is up, and the kids decorated the house while I was at work. I have nothing to complain about.
Tomorrow, I will talk positive. Think positive. And call the flexible spending account people to bitch at them for denying my reimbursement claim. Because nothing makes me smile like making someone admit that I’m right and they are wrong.