What the ELF?

I’m not grinchy. Or scroogey. But I’m very fucking cranky about this whole “Elf on the Shelf” phenomenon. Eventually one of my children will see this elf in your home. And they will want one for OUR home. And that shit aint happening. Because we do not allow tattling. That Elf is nothing but a big ol’ tattle tale. I’m not having it. Not even a little.