I’m just not very good at anything today.

I’m cuddling with two kids and a cup of coffee.

My house is a disaster, there is a long work day ahead, and I have done zero Christmas shopping.

I have a 22 lb turkey AND a ham defrosting in my refrigerator for the 120 person family party on Saturday.

Darian’s first dance performance is on Thursday. I don’t actually know for sure what her costume is supposed to be.

I just had my phone replaced yesterday, and it is still shutting down unexpectedly.

I have no winter vegetable garden. The backyard is full of weeds. I have neither the time nor the motivation to make things look pretty.

Some days I am awesome at juggling mom and work and other responsibilities. Today is not one of those days.

Oh, and Rhys just peed his pants IN the bathroom. At least the bathroom is already filthy.

Oil slick

Having babies gave me drug addict skin.
I’m serious.

Smearing oil on my face like a crackhead gave me baby-like skin.
Serious again.

I had barely had a pimple until my daughter was born. After her birth, my skin went Cray-Zay. I had painful underground volcanoes, little annoying whiteheads, big, nasty black heads…and I had no idea what to do about them. They were up and down my jawline, right in the middle of my cheeks, on the tip of my nose.

Worse than the acne alone, I am a picker. I can’t help myself…especially in stressful situations. Every day in the mirror, I spend time trying to get that shit OUT! It only makes it worse. Much worse. Rather than just a little red dot, after picking a blemish, it becomes a bleeding, scabby, red raw splotch. Not cute. Not grown up. Crackhead status.

When you start battling zits as a teen, I assume that you figure out something that works by your mid twenties. But when you start getting zits at 25, it is very hard to come to terms with them.

Things only got worse with my second pregnancy, and I began trying more than just face wash and moisturizer. I used retinol (itchy, dry, creepy), anti-bacterial wash (cleared it up for a bit, but then got worse), apricot scrub (too scrubby for my face), and finally settling on a mild face wash that didn’t help, but at least wasn’t making things worse. Moisturizer was no better and everything I tried seemed to either dry me out or give me an oil slick on my face.

I knew that my hormones had shifted and that I needed to see a dermatologist. They told me to go on birth control. No thanks. I’m not interested in more hormones in my body quite yet. The ones I have are giving me plenty of trouble as is.*

I began researching alternate skin care online, thinking that SOMETHING has got to give. I wasn’t finding anything that wowed me. I figured maybe I would have to go on birth control, and just maybe I would have to deal with weird bumpy skin for the rest of my adult life.

One day, i was reading my Blog reader, and I clicked on an intriguing link about the Oil Cleansing method on Sorta Crunchy‘s blog. You guys! My life is completely changed.

I swear to you, my skin now looks like a kajillion bucks more often than not. This is a fucking miracle.

I make a mixture of 30% Castor oil (Whole foods), 60% Jojoba Oil (I buy it at Trader Joe’s) and 10 % Grapeseed oil (also from TJs). I add about 10 drops of tee tree oil for scent and it’s antibacterial properties. You can use any essential oil you like.

Massage a silver dollar sized glob of the oil (I keep mine in a travel size bottle I bought at Target) into your pores for 2 or three minutes, really focusing on the bumpy areas and places you know clog up easily. I do some “Dirt elimination visualization” which sounds dumb, but isn’t.

Get a washcloth wet with hot water.
Wring out the washcloth and steam your face until the washcloth is cold. Wipe the oil off of your face. Don’t scrub. just wipe it normally.
Repeat this steam and wipe process 2 or 3 more times, until your face feels clean.

VERY IMPORTANT STEPS:
-Tone with Witch hazel to give your skin an extra bit of cleansing
-Use just a dab of the same oil to moisturize your face after cleansing. I tried using straight Jojoba oil this past week, and I started getting breakouts again. I think the tiny bit of extra Castor oil helps to keep my pores clear.

I only have to use this method every other day. On alternate days, I skip the oil, still steaming my face with a hot washcloth, toning with witch hazel and using the oil to moisturize. If I have a blemish appear, I dab straight tea tree oil on it for a few days and it goes away. It has been about 3 months and I am happy as a clam that I tried something new.

The science behind this is that oil dissolves oil and Castor oil sucks the nasty stuff right out of your pores. Play around with the ratios of each type of oil, and check out this link as well, as she explains the process in great detail.

I know this sounds hippie and strange and like it would never work for you. I only did it as a last resort. But it WILL work, and you will save money and you will feel so CLEVER and you will tell all your friends.

The best part for me, personally: I have stopped my incessant picking. Something about knowing that if I leave them alone, they will work themselves out, has really helped me to keep my hands away from my face. I still have the occasional relapse, but it is NOTHING like it was just 3 months ago.

Please let me know if you have any questions. Have you tried washing your face with oil? Any other slightly hippie beauty secrets?

*I know, people. The birth control MIGHT help. But my husband didn’t have a vasectomy so that I would have to pop a pill every day.)

Shiny happy stupid

I could not do anything right today. Everything I touched turned to shit, with a small issue here, a big explosion there. Coming off of a fantastic Sunday with family and friends, I thought that I would go roaring into the week. Quite the opposite. I squealed, groaned and crashed into a wall that I built myself.

Was it really that bad? No, not when I look objectively at the day. But I egged myself on, talking incessantly about how shitty everything was, until the shit was all I could see. This does no one any favors.

Usually, I’m the optimist. I look for the good, the bright, the shiny.

I should have gone to the gym. I should have put on some rockin’ music to get me through a shitty day. I should have been inspired by all my friends that ran the CIM this weekend. Those are all the things that I would usually do. But being in flux causes me to lose my footing. My confidence in my choices, my passions, my ability to do what is right-all these things are shaken when I don’t have a clear sense of where I’m going.

I focused on the cupcake fail from my weekend (more on this later. A baker, I am not), the weight I’ve gained and my lack of motivation to do the work it takes to lose it, the fact that my work speakers have so much static it is practically impossible to hear Pandora. I couldn’t find the good in anything.

To be honest, I think I’m worn down from all the shiny happiness of the season so far. November brought my 30th birthday, my son’s 3rd birthday, and Thanksgiving all in a 10 day span of time. I even have one more celebration planned this weekend, AND my company holiday party (which is a massive, fancy, fun night) so I am running extremely low on energy.

I walked in the door, and the babes were being tremendously silly. They both hovered near while I ate a dinner completely prepared by my husband (Lucky me), they told me jokes and CRACKED themselves up (smile), they put on their jammies with just a bit of supervision (it is always a fashion show at jammie time), and cuddled and kissed me until it felt a little uncomfortable (4 year old girls are VERY into kissing). The Christmas tree is up, and the kids decorated the house while I was at work. I have nothing to complain about.

Tomorrow, I will talk positive. Think positive. And call the flexible spending account people to bitch at them for denying my reimbursement claim. Because nothing makes me smile like making someone admit that I’m right and they are wrong.

Fall is where it’s at-in my garden.

Yesterday, I failed miserably at unconditional parenting. My patience with them was short. Rhys is going through something annoying, and Jared is working all weekend. It took us an hour of screaming and tears (mine and his) to get clothes on my little man. I’m dedicated to doing things differently today. This includes giving the kids a bunch of seeds and letting them go cray in their very own container gardens. If I can foster independence and get oodles of veggies planted at the same time, I’m all for it!

If you have never planted a fall/winter garden, this is the year to start. While most everyone knows you can grow things in the spring and summer, they often neglect replanting their beds with food to eat all winter long!

My fall and winter garden provides me with an abundance of delicious vegetables AND requires way less watering than a traditional summer garden. The rains of winter help my garden to grow big and strong with so much less effort on my part. In fact, I may go as far as to say that fall gardening is superior to spring just for that fact alone! Because we live in the Bay Area, we only need to cover our veggies during frosty evenings, and this can be done quickly and easily the 3 or 4 times a season that it is an issue.

A partial list of what you can plant now and harvest all winter long:

BEETS (my favorite)

Cabbage

Kale

Collard Greens

Broccoli

Broccoli Rabe

Cauliflower

Brussel Sprouts

Carrots

Parsnips

Turnips

Radishes

Lettuce

Spinach

Swiss Chard

Kohlrabi

You can also (and should) plant onions, garlic and potatoes in October, to harvest in spring and early summer. Tere is NOTHING like harvesting 100 lbs of potatoes in the late spring, and roasting them with fresh garlic and rosemary from your garden.

Make sure you amend your soil with good compost, as your summer garden soil has depleted all of the nutrients that you added in spring, and fertilize with fish emulsion every 2 weeks during the growing season. Fish emulsion is stinky, but there is nothing like it for organic gardening.

This will be my first year planting Brussel sprouts, cabbage and cauliflower. I’m excited to give these a try, as we eat a ton of them throughout the winter months.

Everything listed here grows well in containers, and with a little TLC, you will have veggies all through the rainy season.

Do you have any favorite winter vegetables? Are you considering a winter garden this year?

grabby and crabby

I am insanely jealous of single people that live alone.

I love my children. I love my husband. I like my cats a whole lot. I also would like to be by my fucking self occasionally.

From the moment I arrive home, Rhys begins his whine. This isn’t just any whine, of course. The pitch is at dog whistle level, except only parents can hear it, and it brings my heart rate up to dangerous levels.

Next comes the wrap. He grabs hold of my legs, puts his face into my pants, and the whine grows steadily louder. I have JUST walked in the door. My bags have yet to be dropped. Moments earlier, he was laughing on the lawn with the neighbor boy and his sister. It is I that causes his such tremendous anguish for this tiny person. If I pay attention to anyone else, the whole fucking show is over, my friends.

Uncontrollable sobbing.

Flailing.

More whining.

Hitting whoever happens to be between him and I.

Senseless acts of destruction, just to get my attention.

He holds my hand, drags me to and fro, with the whine starting up is my fingers even THINK of loosening from his tiny, sweaty paw. He sits in my lap. Actually, it’s not sitting as much as flipping over, wiggling around, jumping up and down, climbing around my neck. Anything but sitting, actually.

I’m patient. Understanding. I know I’ve been gone for 12 hours. I know I’m missed. I’m aware that his version of the universe, he is the sun,  I am the earth, and I need HIM to survive. He’s almost 3. His world is small. I get it.

I’ve been trying so hard to focus on my kids when I get home. My house is a disaster, but there have been many fewer disasters since the kids of the house feels tended to. Which is awesome. Except…

Really, folks, I just want to put on my fucking pajamas without someone making a comment about the fact that my boobs used provide their breakfast. Pour a glass of wine WITHOUT a battle over which child gets to hold the glass. Come home, plop on the couch, and do nothing (NOTHING) but watch a shitty movie.

***Le sigh***

It’s been a week of guilt about how resentful I am. My poor boy needs to hang from his momma like a little monkey just as much as I need my space. He’s growing, and I’m gone so much of every day.

Most weeks, I lose my shit at least once, yell “LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A SECOND” and lock the bathroom door( I never get to pee alone)  with him screaming my name and pounding with all his might, jiggling the doorknob and weeping “moooma, let me in!”                       Yes, weekly.                              (Does this make me a shitty parent? I don’t think so. More parents should talk about the completely childish responses they have to their children’s temper tantrums.In fact, I want a You tube channel of adult temper tantrums. Million dollar idea.)

This week is actually a success because he hasn’t SEEN my need for space. I’ve put him first every moment he’s with me. It hasn’t been too bad. I’m successfully unconditionally parenting this week, and we are all in tact. Except there is one more week day in the week.  I’m already tired. And I feel like my patience is getting the craziest workout ever.

I’m at risk of losing my shit any moment. So, send me your good vibes, folks, because I feel this tea kettle about to boil over!

A to Z- Random shit about me

I was inspired to do this by Erin at Bows and Sparrows, who has a smashin’ fashion blog in Sacramento. She has this feature called closet case and she featured my amazing cousin several months ago. For me, the site is pure eye candy, and Erin seems like such a fun chick.

So here is my a-z randomness. Please let me know if you participate, as well. I’d love to know more about my readers:)

A. Age: 29
B. Bed size: Queen, but we will be upgrading to a Eastern KING very soon. Not enough room for morning snuggles with the whole fam.
C. Chore that you hate: Putting away laundry
D. Dogs: are just alright. Cats are where it’s AT!
E. Essential start to your day: Vanilla Chai tea with coconut milk.
F. Favorite color: Kelly green
G. Gold or Silver: Silver
H. Height: 5′ 5″
I. Instruments you play: I sing. And I own a guitar that I’ve never learned to play. I will learn some day!
J. Job title: Recruiting Coordinator
K. Kids: yes. two.
L. Live: Petaluma, CA
M. Mother’s name: Molly
N. Nicknames: Roya the Destroya, babe, Roy, LeRoy, Roy-Funk, RTD2
O. Overnight hospital stays: Twice, once with the birth of each baby.
P. Pet peeves: Extreme lateness, unchecked body odor, mean people
Q. Quote from a movie: I am simply not the type of person that can remember this sort of thing.
R. Right or left handed: Right handed
S. Siblings: One sister, one brother, and two step-sisters
T. Time you wake up: Somewhere between 5:30 and 6:45.
U. Underwear: Most of the time
V. Vegetable you hate: I love vegetables! This stumps me. Overcooked asparagus is nasty, but I adore it when it is done well. I’m a firm believer that any vegetable can be made to taste delicious if cooked properly.
W. What makes you run late: I am an extremely prompt person. So prompt that I’m usually 10 minutes early. The only time I may show up fashionably late to a party (which I STILL have difficulty doing) is if I’m cleaning and organizing my house and there is just one.more.thing. that needs to be done.) Still, I’d never show up more that an hour “fashionably” late.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Teeth, an ankle, and tons of ultrasounds
Y. Yummy food that you make: My beef stew is insane. My grandma taught me how to make it, and I’ve never strayed. Eggplant Parm is also one of my stand out dishes.
Z. Zoo animal: Flamingos. I’ve always loved their coloring!!!!

The best damn potluck salad ever

I love to party. Specifically, to attend or throw a party where everyone brings something to share. This past weekend, I hosted a bunch of folks at my house for a BBQ and made my favorite no fuss side salad..

My husband perfected his ribs (I’m planning to convince him to make this a family blog, and have him write a little something on those amazing ribs), I made this salad, and everyone brought a little something else. We drank a LOT of beer, and the kids ran around chasing chickens, swinging on fences and splashing in the wading pool.
This is my new go to salad. It makes a ton, and I’ve been eating it all week as tacos/on top of mixed greens/straight out of the bowl with a spoon.
The lime juice really compliments the sweet corn, and it is so fresh and healthy!

Mix together
3 cans of Black beans, drained and rinsed (or 2 cups of dried beans, cooked your favorite way)
Kernels from 4 ears of corn (no need to cook it)
1 large red onion
1 bunch of cilantro
4 limes
salt
Pepper.

Mix together. Eat. Costs 6 bucks and serves a million people.
Add diced mango if you have some around and it is ripe for an extra special, super amazing touch.

I still have no pictures because I’m busy doing other stuff…so here are the cutest kids ever…being cute.

Unconditional Parenting

I’ve been cheating on my neglected blog with my sister’s well updated one. We both practice versions of Unconditional Parenting, and I’ve written a bit about my experiences with it there. Parenting is a wild ride, and when I was looking for tools to help me develop strong ties with my children, even through adversity, Unconditional Parenting seemed to make a lot of sense.

As you read my post, please understand that Unconditional parenting goes against everything most of us are conditioned to do. It goes against what I have learned, but is so true to my instincts as a parent. It has been a struggle separating my learned behaviors (the way our parents parented us, the way we see people parenting in movies and TV, my expectations that my children will just “do what I say”) from what I actually see working with my kids. I hope to write more about this here on my own blog, as I really have seen a huge difference if I simply “practice patience” with my kids and to truly listen to them when they are talking to me.

Please take a gander here and be sure to read the rest of her blog as well. She’s full of great ideas….it must run in the family:)